Punkelf

NaNoWriMo Day 2

Plans for today:

-Get new mouthguard
-Drop off cheque to work/pick up cheque
-Lunch
-Mobile visit at 2

So I'll probably be home at 3.

Cycle for today then, starting at 3:
-30 min. cleaning
-30 min. writing
-30 min. rest

I can probably do two cycles and then hit my parents up for dinner/watch Bachelorette with my sister. Then come home and fill in some word count.

Yosh!



Update, 8:00pm: Yeah, my sister came over here instead, so what wound up happening was Bachelorette -> eat terrible food -> hate myself forever -> nothing of value has gotten done today other than getting my horrendously expensive mouthguard.

*sigh*

Okay, Alex. Let's take half an hour and do SOME cleaning, and then a LITTLE NaNo, and then you can call it a day, okay?
Punkelf

NaNoWriMo Day 1/General Life Intentions

Plan for today:

-Do morning prep (shower, breakfast)
-Meditate

Starting at 11am:
-30 min. paperwork
-15 min. NaNo
-30 min. cleaning
-15 min. break

After 1 cycle, eat lunch

-Continue cycle at 1pm, removing things as goals are reached + add that time to remaining in other categories

-Dinner at 6:30
-Client at 8

Let's see if I can keep to that plan...

Update, 2:30pm: Have done two cycles, no lunch yet (off to do that now). Made the mistake of starting A Slip of the Keyboard during most recent break so am weepy mess now. So, probably a good time to take a break, anyway.



Update, 11:59pm Actually managed to keep to that schedule, more or less. Finished paperwork, solid start on cleaning, not perfect NaNo count for day 1 but better than I thought.

And, for old time's sake:


1044 / 50000 words. 2% done!
Punkelf

I don't even know any more.

So therapy ended... two months ago? And I was feeling pretty hopeful. Like, things weren't perfect, but I was way better than I had been. My scores on various measures had come into normal ranges. I felt like probably I could handle things on my own.

Two months later, boy, do I ever feel like a moron.

Punkelf

Great.

Two months before the end of therapy, and I'mma have two major meltdowns in one month. A+ terrific would do again.

I don't even know where to talk about shit like this any more. It's definitely not FB material. No one replies to things on Tumblr. I don't really use chat clients much. I guess texting, but anyone I would text about it I don't want to burden with my shit. LJ is basically screaming into the void and hoping someone picks up the signal.
Punkelf

The MeFi Emotional Labour Thread

"You know how men talk about PMS as this miserable, barely survivable time when you have to watch what you say, be careful not to make too much noise, swallow your real thoughts, make constant concessions to avoid conflict, and accept sudden outbursts of anger as commonplace? (aka things I unconsciously do around many men I know and love)

The masculine dread of PMS is basically “there are five days a month when the burden of emotional labor is reversed, and that brief (and incomplete) inversion is my personal eldritch horror, such that men discuss it with other men in hushed tones.”

-a fiendish thingy" on "Where's My Cut?" On Unpaid Emotional Labor (way the fuck down)

*just... marvels at that one for a minute*
Punkelf

(no subject)

So while I know most of you read my FB at this point, I'm going to put this here, also (think of it as extra, extra insurance on doing them:)

So elsewhere I wrote what my goals for this year are, and I figured, well, let's post them to FB as well.
1. Be gentler with myself overall. (I have a tendency to be a bit of a perfectionist, and not in a good way [is there a good way?]. So this one is the most important one.)
2. Write at least three sentences a day.
3. Read at least one book a month.
4. Meditate at least five minutes every morning.
5. Find something fun that feels more like 'play' than 'exercise'.

No, they aren't lofty aspirations (and I know a bunch of people are going *one book a month???* and dying a little on the inside), but... if I do better than this then that's good. If I do only this, I can be satisfied. And if I don't manage all of these, then that's okay too. Trying to make that my mindset for 2016.

2015 was an... interesting year. I did a number of things, even though it felt for much of it like I was wading through the molasses of my low energy and a fuckton of self-loathing. (See also Item #1.) Therapy has been going... well? I think? Like at least I'm able to identify the fact that I have a lot of self-loathing, haha? >.> (And also nervous laughter when I'm actually upset about something/self-conscious? ;))

I dunno. It's really hard to tell as it goes if progress is being made, but I think things are going well. So I'm going to trust that it is, in fact, doing what it says on the tin, even if at this point I think I've been going about three times as long as what it's "supposed" to run. (CBT and IPT, the two therapies my therapist is using, are both intended to be fairly short-term, and we're now at 16 months, rather than weeks.) I dunno if that's just me, or what. (I do know I have been fairly resistant to the idea of being okay with small victories.)

But, let's see how 2016 plays out. (Yosh'!)
Punkelf

I said it and this time I meant it!! Really!!

So one of the things I've been doing lately is 8760 Hours. It's basically a REALLY INTENSIVE version of your New Year's resolutions, but taking like... a day or two (or several weeks, if you're me and don't always actually go work on it when you say you're going to) to sort out. In the end, you have about 14-20 things that you' like to accomplish during the year, of which you pick 3-5 to really focus on (with expansion potential if you achieve the first set).

So my goals for the year (which I'm really counting as the current half-year, so I'll re-do this in December) are as follows:
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So that's the five that I thought were most important to me. Other stuff on the list includes reducing meat consumption (those of you also on FB saw the results of that; I'm going to try but I'm not putting a concerted effort into it yet, the eating out thing is more important), improve earnings (I want to get to a regular $3600/mo pre-HST and income tax deductions, or about $2700 actual "my" money), write 500 words/day, see friends more frequently, have potlucks more frequently (see previous point), volunteer, get myself more organized/less prone to getting out of bed at the crack of noon, and meditate 20min/day.